Husband is not understanding
Querist :
Anonymous
(Querist) 23 August 2018
This query is : Resolved
Hi, am married and I have one baby girl.am staying with in-laws. My problem is my husband is not have any trust on me even though am very transparent with him in all . He knows my bank balance, my passwords etc but if I ask some thing he will not say any thing and says telling something to me is unsafe for him.
Not only my husband even my in-laws also will do the same. If there is any function/Pooja in home they won't say any thing to me. They will say that in the night or morning. They don't include me in any matters.
. My sister in law got. Married. She will get all information even though she stay with her husband but am staying in the same home but I don't have any information .
Is this the correct way in married life. It really hurt's me.
Is there any meaning to stay with them. Please help and suggest.
K Rajasekharan
(Expert) 23 August 2018
This is not a legal query and hence no legal answer can be given.
Married life is a ropewalk where the new comer in a family will have to build her own world by developing trust among others even if they are not much accommodative. I am afraid a person who wants to know everything in an in-law’s house may have an unnecessary poking mentality and others may not trust such a habit. One should respect the privacy of everyone else, including a husband or wife even.
If you get the basic necessities of life there in the house you cannot ensure or dictate by law in what other ways they should behave. It is your skill that could ensure a turn in their behaviour. I don’t say you need to compromise with them in your basic needs or basic transactions.
The post itself shows that there is a dividing line in your mind between them and you. You have to blur the dividing line by your skills and attitudes towards them. It needs reframing of your mind and dealings. If you are not skilful enough your family relation will get into troubles.
No law will be of much help to you in saving your family life, probably which is good for you and your child.
kavksatyanarayana
(Expert) 23 August 2018
I respectfully agreed with the advise of Mr.Rajasekharan ji. nothing to add.
Dr J C Vashista
(Expert) 24 August 2018
Very well analysed and obliged by experts, nothing more to add.
Consult a local psychologist for such query.
Guest
(Expert) 24 August 2018
WHAT A CRISP, ROYAL SPIRITUAL ADVICE OF THE OFFICIAL TURNED ADVOCATE, "This is not a legal query and hence no legal answer can be given. ............................ Married life is a ropewalk where the new comer in a family will have to build her own world by developing trust among others even if they are not much accommodative. I am afraid a person who wants to know everything in an in-law’s house may have an unnecessary poking mentality and others may not trust such a habit. One should respect the privacy of everyone else, including a husband or wife even. .....................If you get the basic necessities of life there in the house you cannot ensure or dictate by law in what other ways they should behave. It is your skill that could ensure a turn in their behaviour. I don’t say you need to compromise with them in your basic needs or basic transactions. .........................The post itself shows that there is a dividing line in your mind between them and you. You have to blur the dividing line by your skills and attitudes towards them. It needs reframing of your mind and dealings. If you are not skilful enough your family relation will get into troubles. ......................No law will be of much help to you in saving your family life, probably which is good for you and your child."
YOU MUST HAVE BEEN DISAPPOINTED WITH THE PRIMITIVE TYPE OF IRRELEVANT AND UNETHICAL ADVICE OF THE SO CALLED EXPERT, who at the very beginning stated that yours is not a legal problem but then started imparting lessons of ethics to you putting all the blames on you with his contradicting advice. Question arises, if yours was not treated as a legal problem, instead of a legal expert, did he consider himself as a religious and spiritual guru to deliver his spiritual lecture to you? However, his advice gives adequate vent to his own mentality and practice being adopted in his own family, where he would also be too much demanding from his own wife, but keeping all his affairs secret from her.
I wonder to know, if not a legal problem, on what specific ground the other legal experts preferred to endorse his unwarranted non-legal advice and sermons, when he was not supposed to know the background of the problem of the querist?
The first part of his advice represents as if he suggests the querist to treat her husband like a God and yield before all his wishes and to let the husband maintain his privacy at her cost, but keeping her totally in dark about himself and even of the routine family affairs of which she was supposed to be an integral part. If function and pooja are also a secretive affairs for the in-laws, where remains the sense of family for her after married life?.
Further, if married life is treated as a rope walk, why that be considered as a one-sided affair? Both husband and wife are equally supposed to ride that rope walk, not wife alone. If the in-laws can share their family affairs with their married daughter, now part of another family, what makes them to keep that a secret affair from the newly added member of their family.?
Probably, the said self styled spiritual guru forgets that married life is not meant merely for fulfillment of basic necessities of a wife, if she cannot enjoy mutual trust and belief of her husband and in-laws. The irony is that he considers a mental dividing line between the husband and wife, but instead of suggesting any meaningful solution, he merely advised the querist to blur that dividing line and live life like merely a slave of the family, if not skillful, whereas, she appeared here to get some solution to make her married life happy and meaningful. I wonder, if he considers a woman merely a child producing machine and a slave to her husband and in-laws.
Earlier also, at several occasions, the said official turned advocate, was noticed to have preferred delivery of only spiritual lectures, rather than any legal advice.
