Mental torture by husband
Querist :
Anonymous
(Querist) 23 September 2017
This query is : Resolved
I got married on 12 dec 2016, when i also turned 21 . The guy i married is an indian navel officer and very average looking...completely arranged marriage. His parents dint gave us permission to talk over phn between the period engagement to wedding as they felt we might ended up arguing someday. So even my family considered their point. We belong to typical Rajasthani rajput family.. where meetings or talking with your husband to be is �taboo� . So basically we dint able know each other ... and that was the biggest mistake of my life . We met once for 10 mins with pressence of her other so couldn�t ask him much about him .. he said he like simple life and simple women. His mother mentioned that his son is very lazy, less talkative, conservative (kanjoos). But I accept i felt everyone has different nature and accept him as he is ... thinking that with time we both will accept each other quality and nature.
Eventually i got married in between my final year of college. Because they said this is only date and we cant wait more. So my family had to accept. After wedding their was little hasitation between us as we were complete strangers to each other. And we head to port blair for trip their is felt lil homesickness i am became little annoyed and irritated. Because of tiredness of wedding anf traveling. He is very boring person as he is less talkative whenever he talks it is about something related to science or academics . Then slowly I realised we are very different person as i am kind of girl who more of practical, lively social,adventurous, risk taking, love sport like cricket hockey and like watching Bollywood movies and old songs ... where is he completely contrasting very anti social, just out of tv world.
But I accepted as he is .. but he want me stop socialising, complaining for not to watch sport or any movie. To use phone . If i say something he starts with you have lot of ego attitude and you are very aggressive and every point when i say something. In that trip i became a friends with a couple they were very nice ... so he even fought with me for this reason ... at last day of my trip apologised him for all ... we just need to accept each other they way we are ... not by changing each other .after coming home Bhe told his family and my family about everything happened in his perspective. They blamed me for everything.
So basically he want me change my nature my interest my hobbies my likes dislikes... in fractions of time... and for any human being it is impossible. Although i never had any bad habits like smoking drinking partying. I was so simple . Just happy go lucky types girl .
He went back where he posted in channai base i was with my family as i need to complete my graduation ... he never use to call me or msg me .. but i used to we used tohsd hust max 3 min conversation.
Here his family keep om interfering between us keep telling my family � aap apni beti ko smjhaao� and all . My family also supported him and said do whatever he says . Change yourself .
I tried not to say anything which affects them ...when he used to come bombay for holiday we always has arguments on small small matter ... they dint allow me to study further as I always wanted to do something in my life i was so talented in all fields.
He taunt me for money he gave me one ..after that i have stopped asking him for Money.
He says non relevant thing like � you have terrorist mentality � . You are not kind of girl i wanted . I asked what kind of you wanted he say a villege girl who dont demand and listens to me everytime. I said u would have marry a girl like her.
He fights me for phone in dark , watching tv form near . Caring to different things but he literally fights with me such reasons. When he asks me why u have this if I explain him he is you always have explanations . So basically he want any answers or explanation the kind of he wanted to hear.
This happens everytim whenever we interact . We dont any attachment any affection for each other . And i guess I would never be able to grow any feelings or any soft corner for him .
I have compromised everything because of thIs man my studies my career my hobbies and my passion everything still he is like change your mentality ,look at your ego .
If he takes me somewhere if i say this is long cut yarr that was short cut. Then he is like look how aggressive you are you need to come and go wherever i go or wherever I takes you by keeping your mouth shut.
And this is like a everyday mental torture for me .
When he intracts with he ...he shares that whenever i get late for 5 min i got scolded so i replied � what we can do job hi aisi hai� he like what do you mean by job hi aisi hai and starts arguing. He want me say please for everything.
Before wedding I thought he is an navel officer he would be very broad minded and with good heart . Hence i am completely shattered now. It been 8 month to wedding since then i am crying only he never gave his shoulder to me .
He is multi faced person in front of our family he us like the perfect man intelligent everything. But i am the one who is suffering.
Honestly this torture is more painful then physical one.
I am completely helpless when i shared with my parents they are like these are such a small issue there are some girls who are beaten everyday . There is no one for you accept your husband . So just handle yourself .
I am just 21 year old whereas he is 28 . And they accept me to behave matured. I honestly dont know what to do for him i am still trying to change myself ... he just don�t care about what makes me happy.
Each day is going difficult for me . They are many more things. I am with him just because of my parents. We dont have any compatibility , love , understanding at all .
I domt know what future is gonna be... i am damn scared already.
Please suggest 🙏
Guest
(Expert) 23 September 2017
Your first two lines of your Query confirms all your allegations are not reasonable.Better have a good counselling and proceed in married life pleasantly and peacefully.No one in the world could confirm that their marriage is happy in the first two or three years of married life and only in long run it would be confirmed.
Guest
(Expert) 23 September 2017
Marriage often turns to be a biggest mistake for both the parties, if the married lady, the new member of family, is unable pose trust & faith on husband and his parents or fails to establish mutual trust between her and the new family. A married lady has to adjust in the culture and customs of the family she joins after marriage.
Trust and faith has to be created, not established automatically.
You may better get advice of the older ladies, other than your own mother, of both the sides.
Guest
(Expert) 23 September 2017
You have got very realistic advice. You may better make a review of your own attitude.
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 23 September 2017
No reply to query from an author who is anonymous.
You can post the query in fresh thread with your identity and material facts.
Guest
(Expert) 23 September 2017
Vague contradictory post by Mr. Rajendra K Goyal to unduly maintain his top position in the hall of fame without suggesting any solution.. On one hand he says, no reply, but still replies the query, but with vague post. If he does not want to reply query of anonymous person, who has compelled him to reply?
Kumar Doab
(Expert) 23 September 2017
AQ................so NO reply.................
Kumar Doab
(Expert) 23 September 2017
Pls post with your ID....................and you can get many replies..............
Kumar Doab
(Expert) 23 September 2017
Have you asked anything about said hall of fame.....................?
Kumar Doab
(Expert) 23 September 2017
Have you asked anything about chronic affliction with vague............
Guest
(Expert) 23 September 2017
Here comes a fake expert Mr. Kumar Doab (a fictitious name) with no identity and no place of his location to make 4 vague posts, as of a race towards top of hall of fame at LCI without providing any solution! Who compelled Mr. Kumar Doab to reply AQ?
When decided not to reply, why replied AQ by him?
