Need help on divorce
Naveen
(Querist) 25 July 2011
This query is : Resolved
Greetings to all,
The history
I got married on Oct-2009 and my wife gave birth to our kid on Nov-2010. There was rift between us after that and from the past 8 months we have neither met nor talked to each other. She is in her parent’s house from the past 9 months. She understands that she is the one who has done the mistake but she refuses to concede to it well supported by her parents. I had forgiven the mistakes done by her and her parents but even after that they continued to create one blunder after the other. Though I love my wife, I feel very discomfort to accept her as neither she nor her parents are apologetic to what has happened and this has further created the rift. I tried to convey my acceptance of her a month ago through her half brother but there is no response from them after that I have not tried it again as that may make her feel that I am after her which will into a trap. Now the question is.
1. Can I leave this matter as it is i.e. we wont interfere with each other's life without taking a divorce.
2. Should I take the divorce and claim the custody of my son (now he is 9 months)
2.1 If I take divorce, should I give her the maintenance as she is not working? She used t work for some time as a lecturer well before marriage. Her parents are not well off and they cannot give my son a decent living and even to her. On the other hand I am well off with all the necessary things to run a family with an own house, vehicle, a good job and no loan and I my parents are not dependent on me financially.
3. She had, her self asked for divorce(9 months back) for no reason or mistake of mine and her parents backed her( this is what which has hurt me the most as I always loved my wife and even demonstrated it as long as she was with me), I even asked her to go ahead with divorce if she feels she has done it rightly, but she is not taking any decision on this.
Please suggest what I need to do.
I am open for all the possibilities
1. To live with her if she realises her mistake and assure me of not repeating it again along with her parents, though I fear that some day she make drag us to the court.
2. Take the custody of my son only if we divorce as I don’t like my son to fell short of his mother’s love which is important than mine as of now, though my support will be crucial for his education latter.
3. Maintain Status co.
I have put the things in brief if you have anything to be asked so give a viable solution please feel free to ask.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 25 July 2011
you have been married for only 18 months and you have a 9 month old son . it is advisable to have a reconciliation rather than a divorce . since your son is only 9 months old in the event of divorce court may be inclined to grant her custody . at most you can have visitation rights . in addition since your wife is not working you will have to pay her maintenance depending upon your income for her and your son .
in my opinion you should visit her parental place and request her to come back .follow it up with letters /emails . do not make any application for divorce. in the event she requests for divorce do it by mutual consent
Naveen
(Querist) 25 July 2011
Dear Ajay Sir,
Thanks for you advice and I too feel it is sensible.
I love my wife and my kid than anything on this earth and my last option is to divorce so is my parents view. I been tested again and again and when she has demanded for a divorce backed up by her parents what is the best possible can I do? I had forgiven her but even then she started alleging that I had tortured her for 9 months to deliver a baby boy which upset me again and stopped visiting.
Though I love my wife very much very difficult to digest what has happened and feel very nervous of what may happen.
malipeddi jaggarao
(Expert) 26 July 2011
Expert Mr.Ajay has guided you well. If you are open for all options and as you say you love your wife and kid, the present circumstances are only temporary. First of all you have to remove from your mind that your wife has committed some wrong and you have pardoned her. This is the crux of the problem. Nobody will accept that they have committed some wrong. And the definition of right or wrong is relative term. For one it is right, for the other it is wrong. Since you are newly married, you will not be able to handle this situation. What is the role of your parents? Why they are silent? They involve the elders of the other party and resolve the issue amicably. For that purpose only we invite the people to the marriage function. The elders who are interested in both parties can understand the situation in an unbiased way and find out the solution. You have a kid also. You can not abandon him. You will feel for it life long. Test one opportunity, shed-off all egos and live for some more time. You will understand each other better since there is a third person i.e., your son between you. Either she, or you will have to make some sacrifice for the welfare of your kid.
Prof.A.S.Dalal
(Expert) 27 July 2011
Rift is always because of clash of egos. I feel both of you grow up and behave like a mature person. Divorce is not the ultimate solution . I give you advise to give a final try to resolve the situation and collect some evidences like desertion or .....you can understand what is required in the end.
Naveen
(Querist) 27 July 2011
Thank you mr. jaggarao & mr. dalal for all your valuable suggestions...
My parents tried their best in contacting them but they always evaded by giving some reasons.In-fact my parents have arranged a meeting of all close relatives(mine & hers) to solve this problem on this Sunday. Hope everthing will end in good. My parents are very keen to see us living a good life so am I. I just want to see the same spirit and commitment from their end which unfortunately is missing. Do you experts advice me to record the proceedings? It is not the matter of trust but I sure that is what the law(court) looks into when something goes wrong.
Naveen
(Querist) 05 August 2011
Thanks for all your suggestions.
As planned and scheduled we went to her parents house and her attitude clubbed with an attack on me and my parents gave a clear indication of what she and her parents are. Her sister seemed quite reasonable and looked confused. Even now I don’t understand as to why she attacked me and my parents. I told almost all that happened in the last 18 months and some were shocked to know how I had managed all these? Even her parents were in no mood to settle the problem peacefully. Ultimately with all the elders sticking to their stance that my wife along with the kid has to return back to my family and she also looked convinced. Naming ceremony of my kid was held at her parents residence on Thursday and on the same day she came back to our house. As of now everything seems to be alright. Though my wife had revolted against me and my parents by heart I know she loves me and has respect for my parents. Last thing I want from her parents is not to interfere with our family any more, which they have agreed. Looks like her sister played a good role in communicating my thoughts to my wife. Thanks to her.
Anyways a happy ending to the turbulence which I never wanted to have. I feel for her parents and also for her sister, because the amount of joy my little one has brought, may be they are missing now but nobody to be blamed for this except my wife and her parents.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 05 August 2011
best of luck . forgive and forget . although it is easy to say so and difficult to practise . even if you have an argument dont pin blame on your wife and her parents . just it was a mutual misunderstanding
Naveen
(Querist) 09 August 2011
Thanks for your wishes. Would like to forget whatever happened in the last 9 months and move on.
