Rape/continuous sexual assault - please help
Guest
(Querist) 03 January 2014
This query is : Resolved
I met a man on a leading matrimony
site for marriage. I was new to the
city looking for a job. We met once in
a Dominos outlet. He started pursuing
me..calling..showing care. We had
exchanged biodatas before only. He
started helping me out, taking me to
interviews, bringing me icecreams
after office to my pg. He wanted to
meet me daily. I questioned him why.
His reply was that he likes me and
wants to marry me, his day doesnot
complete without me. One saturday on
pretext of helping him in carrying
things on his bike after buying things
for him from a mall, he took me to his
flat. I resisted, He told me angrily
why cannt I help him. I was naive. I
went. I was watching tv. He started
sexual advances. I resisted. He told
it will lead to love, lust is
beginning of love, why i cannt trust
him, marriage will take hardly 2
minutes and it will happen. he did
everything apart from penetration by
his penis as I was literally scared
for that, I resisted. I was confused,
sad, he took me to dinner, pampered
me, cared for me. I thought we were
marrying. He will still come to meet
everybody. These things became very
frequent over weekends, weekday nites
plus outings, movies. I would tell him
daily about marriage 10-1000 times. He
will smile and tell it will happen
soon why do i worry. I felt bonded to
him, embarrased, confused, strange,
emotionally attached and very
vulnerable. I just wanted him to marry
me. I never felt so weak in my life
before. Slowly he changed. He told me
no. WE fought. He agreed. Again all
things. this cycle repeated many times
. I told him all I felt..all disgust I
feel for him and how complex I feel
and cry and feel headache. I begged hi
m to marry me. He played with my all
feelings, helplessness, body, mind,
soul. I had 2 ft long his nail marks
on my thighs. I wept, begged him to
marry. One day I called his father in
the state of helplessness and
desperation. I told him few things.
That man dragged me outside and got me
thrashed. I was shocked, embarrased,
scared to death. That guy stopped
talking to me. I called his father for
my answers, he told me bad things. I
went to police and cried for justice
twice, they told me to move on and
forget him, though they allowed me to
slap him. Its been a total 1.5 year
episode. I daily cry, feel so strange.
That guy got married. I feel lost. My
life is affected. I cry many times a
day. I feel he did wrong with me. I
feel helpless.I want him to feel all
the pain I feel. I want his life to be
affected as he did mine. I want him to
feel genuinely sorry for whatever he
did to me and go to jail.
Please show me a way. I am fed up of
life like this where I daily I getup
and keep crying. I am not able to
forgive his crime. But what do I do.
You all are lawyers. Please help me.
Is the only way to do justice is take
law in own hands? and die..or burn
oneself as many rape victims do. He
didnt penetrate penis in my vagina but
he did everything else countless
times. Help me what proofs I can
findout and give. I am too embarrased
and scared. I closed myself at home
for months together. It feel so
awkward. Sometimes I want to kill him,
at others I want to die myself. I
loved him genuinely. I was as honest
as possible. Yes I used to fight, show
resentment that why he does sex with
me. but he wud make me fall in trap of
his talks. It been total 1.5 years
suffering. That guy is too shrewd, intelligent, gives bold answers and I get scared, shocked, feel embarrased, helpless and speak less in front of police.
malipeddi jaggarao
(Expert) 03 January 2014
First of all cool down.
Erase the feeling that somebody ditched you.
Erase the feeling that something happened to you.
Have a cool introspection.
What is your role in this episode?
You could prevent him from sexual intercourse, but could not prevent him to do the rest. What is the reason?
The simple reason is you are not agreeable for sexual intercourse.
If you were stubborn with him when he approaches you, at least when began to start advancing, nothing could have happened. But you enjoyed the comforts provided by him. You continued to enjoy all other things even after his advancement towards having sex. That is the mistake you have committed.
When we are weak, people do play with us. When we are strong, you will give up their efforts. As you are strong on the point of not having physical intercourse before marriage, you could prevent it. As you are strong that marriage is required for further advancement, no further advancement was possible and the guy smartly left from the scene.
Be thankful to the Almighty that nothing happened against your wish. By heart and heart you do not love him. You were only trapped by him thinking that he could enjoy with you and you became a pray to his plans to some extent. But not because of the love you have towards him. The story ended here. Be happy. Forget everything. Learn lesson out of this episode. Do not give any such scope in your life to anybody again. You have not lost any thing. Somebody played with your emotions. That is all. Control your emotions. NO angry, no repentence, no depression, no enimity. It is a way to learn lessons in life. Restart your life, forgetting the episode altogether. Be stubborn and do not give scope to anybody either to play with your body or your emotions. I wish you all the best.
Guest
(Expert) 03 January 2014
What do you want now
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 03 January 2014
Is this a query or poem?
If you want to get rid of him then you have to visit Police and lodge complaint with them.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 03 January 2014
forget him . move on in life . you had a bad experience .
since your boy friend is already married now no sense in harping over the affair turned sour
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 03 January 2014
In the situation well advised by the expert malipeddi jaggarao ji. Forget, careful and move forward.If possible change your station.
Biswanath Roy
(Expert) 03 January 2014
You have narrated a story of your own, but did not say what kind of help or advice you are seeking from this Forum experts. However,
I direct you to follow advice of Mr,Malipeddi Jaggarao. If you file a case against the miscreant we can guide you.
K.K.Ganguly
(Expert) 03 January 2014
1. Celebrate, you have escaped his clutches,
2. Had he married you on your insistence, probably we would have received a longer post after some time.
Guest
(Querist) 03 January 2014
Thanks a ton for replies. Moving on is okay. How about him..He was unfair and cruel. Should he not be punished? Just leave him like that?
Guest
(Expert) 03 January 2014
So again ,What do you want now
T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate
(Expert) 03 January 2014
You have a chance of making him repent for all the wrong things he has done to you. As per law, it is an offence or rape even though there was a consensual s*x but on the promise of marrying you and then refusing to. It is punishable u/s 376 & 417 IPC. You have bright chances to get him punished, if the local police is not registering your complaint or not taking proper and prompt action, you may approach the Dist Supt of Police with a complaint copy and another application to direct the local police for an expeditious and impartial action on your complaint, even at this place if you do not find a conducive situation, you may approach the women forum for necessary action. Don't allow him to roam freely after having done gross injustice to you with false promises. The law protecting women are very strict, stringent and serious, son the erring fellow.o be aware of the provisions of different law protecting your rights and take appropriate action on the erring fellow.
ABDUL RAZIQUE
(Expert) 04 January 2014
if u want to punish him then u go to police station and filed an FIR against him or go to court or file a complain case. if not then again practice with him and cover with ur love as he can not believe any one except u then u turn out and take revenge of ur life but not out of law and never take law in hand.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 04 January 2014
AS U CONTACTED HIM THRU MATRIMONIAL SITE, YOU SHOULD HAVE SELECTED ONE OUT OF SAY 10 BEST THAT SUIT YOU.
WAITING FOR ONLY ONE,FOR OVER A YEAR is not a Managerial objective.
As u r Manager, you know, if one party fails to deliver goods intime, you immediately switch to another alternative.
Keeping contact thereafter, was unplanned,
In fact, parents should be involved first. Ok few dating, for a month TO UNDERSTAND is OK, but no longer..[as it is thru Matrimonial sites]
FORGETTING AND FORGIVING IS BEST ALTERNATIVE.
YOU DID NOT SACRIFY EVERYTHING, SO THERE WAS NO LOVE ON EITHER SIDE.
love is measured by sacrification, and you disappointed him. HE TESTED YOUR LOVE.
IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR BURN/ INJURY FRESH, UNHEALED, THEN fight.
go to Police and lodge FIR, PUNISH HIM.
The moment you think of punishing your beloved , it proves " NO LOVE, " Only business, Marry me , or I will......
No s*x [affection] , no love, than what was there in the relationship?? It was a Empty Cell.One sided pressure to marry you..
YOU SLAPPED HIM IN PUBLIC..
Where is Love??
Still want to remember for longer time, continue FIGHT, otherwise best is to FORGET,
Best is to look within yourself, what went wrong?? ONE HAVE TO BREAK THE CIRCLE OF SELFISHNESS TO ALLOW LOVED ONE TO COME NEAR,ENTER AND BECOME ONE. THAT IS LOVE.
In your case there was neither Affection, nor Love. So why anybody will marry??
Otherwise nobody is wrong, only action goes wrong.
Guest
(Querist) 04 January 2014
Thanks for replies.
Police didnot take FIR. Though they called him to Station and asked him. He told we were just friends. I slapped him thrice slowly only because it was so embarrasing and still I was not hating him. He told that I am mental. Police was talking that why I didnot beat him with my shoes. I was sitting, crying, headache. I went where he was sitting on pretext of taking water from bottle. I took off my shoe and hit him 4 times on his head. Police scolded me a little and told me to sit quietly. That was their justice. They told me he is very bad person for me but I dont have any proofs.
What would be proofs?
See the outside relationship can be proved from first to last day. His neighbors, guards of society, my PG owner, my office girls know. Girls etc..my PG mates, office girls..they know we were seeing each other for marriage, I used to go out with him. He would pick, drop me, going to malls etc.
Guy is too cunning. He wont allow me in his life now. When I called his father last time, He beat me, yelled at me, caught me from both my arms, dragged me out of his flat and locked the door from outside and told me that I was stealing 500 rs. from him. I have paid pizza bills, movies, food, dinners for that beggar. I myself am more educated than him and work at a high level. My mobile, wallet, passport, document file, Activa keys, sweater everything was inside. It was 7 o clock. He went somewhere. I kept waiting there. After 1 hr, I asked his neighbors to call him, they didnt know no., even I didnt rem. his no. then. Then after 9, he called guards, a lady guard and one his bank security manager and got me thrashed, scolded out of the building. They didnt call police on my request, didnot allow me to make a call at home, or police or office people. For the first time in life, I was out..standing in front of society entry without phone, money, activa key till 11:30-12 in night and then those 2 ladies security, returned my things and still intimidated me that police will catch me and do bad with me and they have done a great favor that they didn't call police. I could not get over this shock till date and have cried vehemently numerous times over this. That guy ran away that day after slapping me. He doesnot want me in his life. He wants me dead I think. He never told that 500 rs talk again in front of police. He intimidated me, made me scared. He didnt return my pendrives, memory cards..wat a shallow beggar he is
How would I prove sexual relationship? His neighbors, guards, PG owner can tell I was staying there overnights, long days. Once he has approved in front of women ASI that he hasnot done the intercourse but he has done other things. I dont know whether that lady will tell yes.
What kind of proofs are sufficient? Please advice on this.
malipeddi jaggarao
(Expert) 04 January 2014
Since you are taking the law into your hands, this forum is not suitable for you. We can not give a reply of your choice. Fight a loosing battle instead of forgetting and restarting the life.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 04 January 2014
LAWYERS KNOWS WHAT PROOF ARE RELEVANT.
CATCH A Local Lawyer, and he will do needful for Police Complain of JMFC 156(3)Court case to investigate by Police.
no use crying on Public Platform.
y pleasure in Private and Pain in Public?
All pleasure always follows by Pain..
Two sides of Coin.
Don't show only one side of coin. It is Package deal.
Noble Persons spread happiness in Public and cry in the corner.
Look inside yourself.
u r approaches us to give pain to somebody, not to increase happiness of world, but to torture someone.. ONLY REVENGE!!
AS IF, IT HAS NO RE-BOUNCE, NO REACTION OF THIS ACTION??
Look at your Objective. Your Motive.
He wanted to marry someone, He is married.
You too wanted to marry, get married to someone.it's Life.
Nothing happens as we dream or plan.
"Kar bhala, hoga Bhala.." Revenge is useless.
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 04 January 2014
Again repeat, forget and move ahead with new experience.
However, if you want to indulge in long litigation, contact a local lawyer.
Biswanath Roy
(Expert) 04 January 2014
it will be better to go to any experienced criminal lawyer for filing criminal case against the culprit and to put him behind the bar. IF YOU RESIDE AT kOLKATA YOU MAY CONTACT ME FOR AN APPOINTMENT. My mobile no.9836858000 or mail me.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 04 January 2014
it appears that you want to punish him and cops are not taking your FIR . contact a local lawyer and file complaint under section 156(3) to direct cops to investigate
prabhakar singh
(Expert) 04 January 2014
A concocted story to befool us by a new name in which a larger community is trapped.
However for a case like this there is no legal help.
FIR? FOR WHAT?
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 05 January 2014
agree with Singhji. I also apprehend so.
Guest
(Querist) 06 January 2014
Element of marriage was always involved. How could I just rudely cut off with him or deny him even touching me?? Can any girl do that without loosing the guy? We were getting married so how could I tell him that he can go to hell..I am tired after office..I dont wana meet u.. dont come near me and give him a ton of abuses and give the threat that I will tell my parents and cops if you repeat ur nonsense ever again.. Is it possible to do when a girl/lady is with a future husband or are majority of indian men mentally capable to understand/sympathize with a girl's helplesssness that if she says yes, then also problem.if she says no..then also problem..only thing is she will be blamed and left crying. Was I ever in a position to tell no/yes anything? How can you people ever blame me
ajay sethi
(Expert) 06 January 2014
query is resolved . account is deleted
