Tourting by Wife
Querist :
Anonymous
(Querist) 22 March 2010
This query is : Resolved
Respected Sir,
We have love marriage in 1989 with the consent of my family but my in-laws (family of my wife) were not happy with our marriage, hence we do not have any kind relationship with my in-laws. After some years of financial struggle, our marriage life settled down smoothly. We were treated as a very happy family by the society close and known to us. We gave a birth to female child in 1992. Unfortunately, our only daughter has been diagnosised with a Blood Cancer in 1998. In spite of 50% possibilities of her survival, we have completed her 2.5 years treatment at Tata Memorial Hospital,
Mumbai. At last, with the blessings of the God and Non-financial support from relatives & friends, our daughter has survived and has just completed her 12th Std. Even during the worst period of our life, my in-laws have not taken any care to ask about the health condition of our daughter. Our marriage life was happy till 2008.
During 2008, on one morning, I have received a phone call from my younger sister-in-laws requesting me to develop our relationship and she apologies on behalf of her family. With good intention in my mind, I have accepted the same with the consent of my wife (This relation has built up after 18 years of our marriage).
There after, the attitude of my wife towards me has changed and she for a no or a very negligible reason, threats me for a divorce and/or she will leave my home. During Feb'2009, she has left my home with our daughter for 14 days and move to her mother house. After, the intervention of our relatives, she came back. Again in July'2009, she again leaves me alone and moves to her brother house for 70 days. There after, she came back to our place.
As the Board Exam. of our daughter has been completed on 9th march'2010, I have prepare a plan for trip to south India for 10 days. However, on the 4th day of the trip, a dispute has taken place between us again, as a result of which, we have discontinue our trip and return back to our place at mumbai. However, even after arriving at Mumbai she remains very aggressive and doesn't listen to any of our relatives including my mother, brother etc. She used to spoke very rudely to me. Now she further talks of divorce and creates the unhappy atmosphere in our small (3 person) family.
Sir, I have been very much disappointed by this repeated threats of divorce and I am much worrying of the career of our only god saved daughter.
Sir, I do not have any smoking, drinking or any other habits and have no any outside affair. The same is applicable to my wife also. Sir, in reply to my several efforts to bring peace in my family during past 3-4 days, she insulted me heavily and talks very rudely to me. We both are of 47 of age. She is a housewife since marriage and I have one owner ship flat in Mumbai.
Sir, I kindly request for your advice in the matter and if she remains stick to her demand of divorce, how can I proceed further in the matter. I do not want a divorce but at the same time I want a peace in my life at this age of 47 years.
I have previously lodged a formal N.C. at local police station when she left our place in Feb’09 and July’09.
Sir, please advice in the matter.
Thanks.
Rakesh Mehta.
Raj Kumar Makkad
(Expert) 22 March 2010
At this age, there is no scope of divorce. In this age, you both have to settle you daughter. He is not a child now. It shall adversely spoil her life.
I suggest you to win the trust of your wife and do not provide any reason on your part to make any threatening on her part. Adjust her.
Guest
(Expert) 22 March 2010
My dear Sir,
First of all I congratulate you and your wife for going love marriage and successfully led a very happy married life for such a long period facing the worst crisis of life, severe illness of sole daughter.
Now, this present crisis has nothing to do with your renewal of relationship with your inlaws family. Take it from me. There is no connection at all.
Your wife is going through mid-life crisis and it happens with every woman in the world. It is a physical process. Some women quickly come out of it within a few days / a few months and some women take a few years to come out of it and unfortunately with drastic effects. It is emotional crisis. You need not take very seriously about her threat of taking divorce. If you want deep knowledge about this particular aspect, refer internet.
What you need is, you both meet a competent and expert doctor and take his medical advice that how to cross this stage with least pain. After some months, she would become quite normal and you both will enjoy the life. Never meet any advocate for any legal solution till you take full medical advice from competent doctor. Keep the utmost cool for a few months from now onwards and accept every outburst of your wife patiently, as she is facing crisis and the happiness is waiting just round the corner.
mahendrakumar
(Expert) 23 March 2010
try to meet a psychologist specialised in family counselling. as there seems to be no big reasons,you could easily come out of the problems.
Intervention of counseller or a good family friend is good because,when you both tries to solve the problems,many a time,we fail because,WE FORGET that we are PART of the problem and remedy we feel correct could be BIASED towards you.
