What r the rights of a wife?
kalpana
(Querist) 21 December 2011
This query is : Resolved
what r the rights of a wife?i ve been married for last 1 & half month.my husband never listen to any of my suggestions nor tell anything to me.he only discuss the matters with his mom who is staying with us and with his sisters who all r married.always tries to insult me.never cares for me nor gives emotional& financial support.many a times i had to borrow money frm my frnds.whenever i ask for money he gives a bad gesture & comments.he is a surgeon & of good financial background.i ve just completed mbbs and working as an intern.initially his mom tried to mentally harass me & now he himself.what should i do?i don't want to stay with him but don't want to get divorced.or should i go for marriage counselling?
ajay sethi
(Expert) 21 December 2011
youare newly married . discuss the issues raised by you with your husband . he may a great surgeon but he has also to learn to be a good husband . request him to give you monthly allowance for meeting day to day expenses as you are not earning and have to borrow from friends .
if he does not listen raise issue with your in laws .then go for marriage counselling
Deepak Nair
(Expert) 21 December 2011
Mere 45 days are not enough to judge a person as a husband.
First of all try to review the behavior of your husband and in laws and then the possible cause of their such behaviour.
Find out whether ther is any need of adjustmet from your side. If yes, then try to rectify yourself. If not, then speak to your husband sincerely in a mature way (not by complaining and bullying) and never become a complaint box. If that does not work out, then go for marriaage counselling.
Husbands (or any body) cannot change their behaviour over night after marriage. it is up to you to take sincere effort to change his behaviour.
Please don't misunderstand. don't suffer or silently tolerate injustice. It is always better to get advise from older/matured people.
Shonee Kapoor
(Expert) 21 December 2011
First step is to have an open communication.
Try to voice your concerns and have a heart to heart discussion,
If that fails try marriage counselling.
Regards,
Shonee Kapoor,
harassed.by.498a@gmail.com
PS: Most couples have adjustment problems in the initial phase of marriage, those who get over it, have successful marriages.
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 21 December 2011
Yes the advices are all in right perspective. Only thing you need to do is to follow the same practically.
It is very much true that if initial turmoil is overcome the marriage gets settled down on its own.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 21 December 2011
U need Councillor.
As both are educated, as per my formula, it leads to breakdown.
Higher IQ, & Education, leads to divorce.
Scarifies, and Love for each other is very very important.
Child loves mother the most, & vie versa, as they are not self sufficient, and need eacxh other.
Earning & Educated are self sufficient, don't need other' help, and try to go away.
Attraction and dependency on each other need be developed.
The moment son is self sufficient, love decreases with parents.
It is but natural.
Had you not been Edu, probably both have loved each other 10 times more than now that u r ed.
I solved similar case of both Dr.couple.
H throw hot food on his W, abused her, and she also own her hospital, cld not conce, H is specialized surgeon, very busy with his own Hospital, and very popular, rich couple, and most unhappy one.
A very small trick, a little painful to both, just for two week, and now the couple, with 17 yr old son, are very very happy couple, A little shock is necessary,
In ur case, it is too early.
Have patience, try to understand, believe you are zero, and satisfy his ego, one have to scarify, to gain later.
God bless you.
Raj Kumar Makkad
(Expert) 21 December 2011
Madam! This is not the way to take the things to conclusion within such short span. This is not an operation table wherein decision is to be taken within seconds. Human nature is also a science. As you have spent many years in studying a special branch of science so now you also require to learn informal study of human nature especially how to win over your husband and family members and how to make them your true friends.
This informal branch of science requires patience and will power. You are apprentice but now behave like a mature doctor. Try to enjoy your happy married life and do not expect from your husband to behave accordingly.
If your husband is caring much for his mother and married sisters who are temporarily with you for some time, it is not a sin. Mother has cared fro him for more than 25 years and sisters are for some days only. You should also care for them rather discarding so that you may win over them. After their departure, none is going to intervene in your private life.
Deepak Nair
(Expert) 21 December 2011
Hope you are satisfied.
Everything is in your hand. Behaviour of persons cannot be changed through legal procedures.
prabhakar singh
(Expert) 22 December 2011
The mark of immaturity is treating others how they treat you. The mark of maturity is treating others the way you want to be treated, regardless of how they treat you.
In too many couples (I see this all the time.) if one is down, the other is down and then they fight or ignore each other because both are hurting internally and hurting each other and their negativity breeds more negativity. Good breeds more good. Bad breeds more bad. It depends on what you want.
Think of it this way: If you are mean to me and I am mean to you, you will blame me for being mean to you. If you are mean to me and I am nice to you and you are mean to me and I am nice to you and you are mean to me and I am nice to you, sooner or later you will get it, that you are being mean to me. If you DON’T get it, ever, you will live the life of a fool, but if I am nice to you anyway, I will still have peace because I’ve done the right thing! Doing good is it’s own reward.
Wise couples get this, so when they go through dark waters (And you will go through dark waters!), they both hang in there. Foolish couples have the backbones of dead fish that can withstand no pressure and stink up the place in the process.
Get in affection every day and cuddling is the best way.It’s the miracle cure! It’s pretty hard to yell at somebody you just cuddled with!!
Servanthood. Boundaries. Keeping warmth alive. If you keep these three things in your marriage as active ingredients, you will be well on your way to setting an example of love and tenderness in a lost world to the next generation and the next and the next....visiting Councillor shall certainly pay off.
In my guess he is of shy nature and is just showing off to his mother and sisters so that he may not be called "zoru ka gulaam",nothing more is bad there,hence act prudently with out getting annoyed.
Deepak Nair
(Expert) 23 December 2011
Rightly explained by Prabhakar Sir
Dr J C Vashista
(Expert) 24 December 2011
Dr. Couple is well educated but appearantly immature (the way you have explained), require counselling, understanding and respecting each other, love & affaiction and last but not least give and take and not to take things to heart/for ego and prove example for less educated.
