An message for all litigating husbands & wives

Essence of posted thread # 1: I’m Afraid Counseling Will Change "Who I Am" ?

Reality: Change is a constant part of life. Counseling can help you (generic) to change in positive ways that are consistent with your (generic) goals for life and your relationships.

Information essence gathered from source: 

1. Rich, H. & Laks Kravits, H. (2001). The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the Perfect Marriage. Penguin Group: New York.

2. Santa Clara Valley Chapter California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. Marriage and Family Therapy Top 15 Myths about Therapy “What You Don’t Know Could Hurt You…”

https://www.scv-camft.org/news/article.html?id=87

"In relationship if one calls “change” leads to a 360 degree turn then DSM – IV anlaysis says it has gone from getting better to bad in evolution of a humane being."

Hence as a pointer suggestion: Join (generic) erstwhile bhajan mandali for a harmonious better tomorrow listening to Anand Richa's Divine Melody............

there can be changes for divorce in any marriage and the same cannot be decided by other parties other than spouses

@ Aravinthan S/o Ganesan

i did not understand wot u meant..

Once a husband is dragged to the court by filing criminal cases against him/his family its is very difficult to continue relationship with her.

I know a positive example where one husbad got rid of her cruel wife by giving Rs 10 Lakhs and he was re-married having a child from his second marriage and now leading a very happy life.

@ ta jobs india

when i said marriage life took a 360 degree turn,i referred to spirituality,prayers and meditation etc being the cause behind.........................while counselling can make it better

one may take up spirituality or may not take up spirituality to escape from the trauma of married life and harrassment from the estranged spouse.    People like Adi Sankara and Swamy Vivekananda took up spirituality without going to married life.  But that cannot be permanent solution for common human beings living in this mundane world.

in the male dominated society, all the post matrimonial issues are decided by default in favour of men.  take up matrimonial home.  no where it is written that husband's house is matrimonnial home.  but by deafult it is his home that is matrimonial home.  if any wife wants her home shall be matrimonial home, she has to put such a condition before marriage.  that boy has to accept.  If he accepts, he is ridiculed as "jamai raja".  this is the case even though both husband and wife, both are working and are having same designations and same capacity of earning.  in the sharing of domestic work, even though the wife is working lady, she has to take major share.  These are old issues.

The latest proposed amendments in HMA and SMA.   what is this "irretrivable breakdown of marriage" (IBM)?.  Who would decide what amounts to IBM and what not?  What is done by the spouse becomes IBM to the other spouse?  Are there any guidelines for the courts to come to conclusion that there is IBM?  Just, if one spouse says that there is no co-habitation for more than 3 years for so and so reason, can it be IBM?  husband says that he likes "butter chicken" and likes to have it atleast twice in a week, wife does not like to  prepare it at any cost and does not like to serve it, can it be IBM?  similarly, wife likes "karela" and the husband hates "karela" and hates the people who like "karela", can it be IBM?  Just living separately for more than 3 years, makes the spouse to seek divorce under IBM.  In a male dominated society, the unguided and unbridled IBM is going to make havoc in matrimonial life and put the matrimonial life of women in great zeopardy.

The public opinion has been sought by 2nd October, 2010 by the select committee of Rajya Sabha before bringing it for discussion before Rajya Sabha. Now, the people concerned for women's rights must buck up and formulate their opinions and send them to select committee and intervene effectively at this stage.  Now the time has come for deep think and quick act.

Prabhakar,


"Now, the people concerned for women's rights must buck up and formulate their opinions and send them to select committee and intervene effectively at this stage.  Now the time has come for deep think and quick act."


Ha aha….


Coolly diverting the core issue of IrBM to "butter chicken and karela" !  yeh bhi sahi hai bhaiyo aur devi's ........


IrBM is not about butter chicken and karela (re. earlier citations of various Ld. Courts)


The issue is S. 13 D in the proposed Amendment.


Would you care to educate "women’s rights people" as called upon in above quote for educating about S. 13 D in IrBM ????? 

IRBM will be a boon to warring couples dragging in court cases for many years. in india there is a bad precedent of fault proving divorce. why bring two people on war in court , its so painful wen they have to make true/false allegations against each other to get divorced. why?

its very painful mr prabhakar to level allegations on each other and fight on those lines for several years in court.

irbm will let them part peacefully.

Good/bad marriage is due to one's destiny.It's upto oneself to belive in it.

one needs to be into spirituality to understand the dynamics of karmic law,the universal laws,etc to know how our lives are affected thru these laws...if we start living in accordance with these laws,our destinies will transform,which also includes marriage destiny

.spirituality basically teaches us how to change our aura so that we attract only good circumstances and people in our life..the aura means an energy field that's around our body.it's a very very deep science...india has become so obsessed with the west,that it has never bothered to encourage its studies in educational organisations.

so  we keep "struggling",and thus face negativity,frustration,& hopelessness.

To quote an example: if we jump from a building,we can't expect to fly in air and be safe just because we are a good and honest person...so the gravitational law shud cooperate with us....it's better to live according to this law..

only fools wud break marriage on isuue of butter chicken and karela

butter chicken and karela are only examples.  The real thing is that in HMA and SPA, the concept of "irretrivable break down of marriage" has not been clearly defined.  Without properly defining such concept, there would be innumerable problems, which estranged spouses can face in future while invoking these provisions.  matrimonial home has not been defined.  It created several cases in matrimonial jurisdiction.  cruelty has not been defined.  it has created several interpretations.  For one court, such a particular act is cruelty, where as in appellate court it is not a cruel act and in apex court again it is cruel act.  I can understand, the legislature cannot forsee the every situtation in advance but broad guidelines have to be given to the citizens and the judiciary, so that there should be clarity about that particular legislation.

there are many fools who apply for divorce on petty reasons..

i read in newspaper long back that a man filed for it since his wife wont wear traditional dresses which his parents wanted..and there was another man who filed for it since his wife wont wear western dresses

yet in one case,a divorce was filed since the wife had pimples on face..

the IRBM will be a boon for such immature couples,and a bane for sincere ones...

let fools be fools. we all make our destiny.counselling can help such warring ppl to an extent. law cannot bond  warring couples if their minds the coupling has irretrievably broken. 

In accordance with worldwide divorce, Indian divorce rate is also increasing manifold, as studied by some social groups it is because of incompatibility arising from intolerance, impatience, greed, lust and desire to dominate. Building a relationship needs utmost effort, but breaking needs a petty reason. Divorce seems to be an appealing way out from incompatible and unhappy marriage. The modern day divorce became fashion due to available alternate choices. But divorce is nothing but a negative change in life as stated by much analysis, where divorced people have shattered family system, low life expectancy, low standards of living, social isolation and the most important is “emotional distress”. Considering these reasons, divorce is painful, and post-divorce life is challenging. Probably many would think that if the first marriage fails, one can always go for another marriage, unfortunately as mentioned in earlier writings, divorce rate from the second marriages is 1.5 fold higher than the first one. In addition to this, separated or divorced couples are hardly believed for their honesty and sincerity. Whether it is man or a woman, second marriages in India are not so respected, and demands fortune. 

Having said that the divorce in India is not a gregarious act, what prompts people for divorce is intriguing. Sociologists may say it is hyper-urban style and modernization that is instigating couples for divorce. The truth behind this is mainly anticipated independence- as individuals are seeking for individuality. In majority of the cases the new-independence is due to lack of adjustment in the core-family system and other subtle reasons, which includes being fancy about bossing on, financial freedom etc. In addition, it is not just the rising opportunities and choices, but the legal provisions available to women. Indian divorce shows a steady rise from ~1% in 1991 to ~15% in 2001 and ~20-25% in recent years.  Segregation of human rights in the name of men and women with gender-biased laws, and with the implementation of spousal maintenance act, there is a sharp rise in divorce rate.  The effect of divorce on individuals is rampant as mentioned earlier; especially men are most affected by divorce than women, because men are subjected to severe economic abuse in the name of maintenance besides social isolation. Women on the other hand are sympathized. Did you know about Tiger Woods's Marriage 'Irretrievably Broken' because of extra relationship with other women and he has to pay hefty price but this is not a solution. He should be punished.Now Elin Nordegren officially divorced on August 23, 2010 and she lives with her kids,she said she had lost her trust in him.She said that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future.

Yes its true that Good/bad marriage is due to one's destiny.It's upto oneself to belive in it.one needs to be into spirituality to understand the dynamics of karmic law,the universal laws,etc to know how our lives are affected thru these laws...if we start living in accordance with these laws,our destinies will transform,which also includes marriage destiny

Now,Read this study from https://www.healthyplace.com/relationships/mental-illness/relationships-and-mental-health/menu-id-1629/

This study included 2,127 men and 2,303 women from the British Household Panel Survey (BHPS), a multi-purpose annual interview of more than 10,000 adults in Great Britain. To be included in this study, the participants had to have completed the first nine annual BHPS interviews (1991-2000) and be younger than 65.

The Findings

The researchers found the following links between partnership transitions and mental health:

• Enduring first partnerships (marriages or cohabitant relationships) were associated with good mental health.
• Partnership splits were associated with poorer mental health.
• Cohabiting was more beneficial to men’s mental health, while marriage was more beneficial to women’s.
• Remarriage or re-cohabitation improved mental health, as opposed to remaining alone after a partnership split.
• Men who had undergone multiple partnership reformations (i.e., remarriages, new cohabitant relationships) had significantly better health than all other men, even men in enduring first partnerships
• Multiple partnership transitions (splits and reformations) adversely affected women’s mental health
• Women took longer to mentally recover from partnership splits than men
• Women-but not men-who remained single all their life had good mental health

Although these results are compelling, it’s important to bear in mind that the mental health questionnaire the researchers used was only a screening instrument for psychological distress. Like most screening tests, these instruments are less accurate than more reliable measures of mental health.