Abusive wife and inlaws, need help !!
Rakesh Mehata
(Querist) 12 February 2012
This query is : Resolved
Hi Experts,
I am a techie , hailing from a background of teacher parents, and a good academic career. I got married in late 2010, my wife is also working in a IT MNC and earning a very decent salary.
My married life has been like a over stretched nightmare right from the very first month. She is extremely short tempered, foul mouthed and incredibly rigid. The only grievance she has is the fact that she feels I donot spend enough time with her. With that, in order to humiliate me in front of my family, she always brings up the case of 2 girls I had romantic involvement with , long before marriage.
* I have never ever cheated on my wife after marriage. She can never prove otherwise. Infact, I never had physical relationship before my marriage at all.
* Me or my family have not demanded any dowry, or any kind of cash during marriage. However, she had brought some gold jewellery for her, and for me during marriage as tradition - again , we never demanded it.
* I have never physically assaulted her, or forced her for anything. I have not demanded money from her salary to manage home.
* I do most of the cooking at home, drop her at office; spent close to 1lac in first year of marriage on 2 trips to make her happy.
* We never had any problems in our sex life, so long as differences were managable, then it ceased to exist altogether.(for the past 2 months)
On the other hand she:
* Abuses me for any little things she finds annoying.
* She has called me a lot of things, told me "Fuck You" , "Eunuch"
* She has physically assaulted me at numerous occasions - bitting, hitting, scratching and kicking - and I have bled some times.
* She and her family members talk in extreme and pedestrian abusive language regarding me and my family behind my back.
* Acts crazy when she is angry, throws household items , pretends to cut her wrist . One time after a huge fight she sat on the bed, took a big magazine, tore the pages one by one to bits and threw them all around the bedroom and then went to sleep.
Things I have:
* Recording of the foul language that she and her family members were using in a conversation , I was not present.
In this clearly audible recording, they call my father a Old Lizard (in native language), my mother a Skinny Whore, my sister an A** F*** and a lot of other derogatory things. They also talk about a ploy of gaining my trust now by hook and crook and then "step on the heads of my father and mother"
* Photograph of the scratch marks I had from her assault.
I am deeply hurt and angered. I do not want to continue this relation. There are a couple of things that are crossing my mind :
* Can I file a FIR on grounds of Verbal Abuse (IPC 504), with the recordings as evidence. Soon I will have a recording with me in the discussion, where I may expect some face to face abuse as well.
In one of the recordings, my wife talks about a plan to defame my sister by spreading rumors and distributing photocopies of wrong information. Can I use it to file an FIR ?
* Can I go public with this recording and show her real face to the masses ? Whats the legal implication with that ?
* Can these evidences be used to protect me from a 498A - if at all it happens anytime in the future ? Soon I will have a recording where my wife and her parents are going to admit that there is no kind of dowry demand or physical abuse from our side ?
I know , this post has been extremely long. But I hope you understand the kind of anguish me and my parents are going thru at this juncture that made me write all this. My parents are very old, I am their only son, and it breaks my heart to see them suffering like this.
Please help me.
thanks
Rakesh
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 12 February 2012
Dear Rakesh,
Is she pregnant?
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 12 February 2012
Rakesh, you need marriage Councillor to understand the root cause of your mis-understanding with your wife.
You married just before 1 1/2 years, and it usually happen in case of haromone chg in pregnancy, or abortion.
As you changed your residence twice , it also affect.
This is not the time to think of filing FIR IPC 504 etc.
When both H W Educated and workibng, the ego system starts that start conflicts, in matrimnial life. It is Temporary, say for 6 months to a year in few cases, and it settle automatically with passage of time. During that time, do not try to increase the GAP in your relationship or it breaks,
In case SHE want divorce, do not hesitate to file MCD & finish the matter.
Otherwise keep cool be Religious, and wait & watch.
Do not give remote of your happiness in her hand. Be master of your happiness yourself.
Rakesh Mehata
(Querist) 12 February 2012
I appreciate your response Mr Shroff. I am sure there would be thousands like me who would be on the same boat. However, I actually have reasons to believe that she would harm me or my family members in some manner. It was bolstered when I heard her father saying that they are going to give our family a tough time and humiliate us. My wife is talking about falsely defaming my sister. They are already in a attacking mood. I am really concerned what their next step will be.
If I wait and watch, would it not be too late before I take action ?
thanks
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 12 February 2012
Hurriedly jump in well is more dangerous then slowly wait and watch, keep cool. and be prepared for defense.
In this woman oriented Indian Laws, attack have no room. But not to worry.
Just forget for few month that you were ever married!.
Don't think also, let it be out of your mind.
It will work like magic.
If at all she attack, do not worry. You had not committed murder!. TRUTH WILL COME OUT.
DO NOT THINK ABOUT IT.
Let her do whatever she can do.
You think you cannot defend yourself??
About your sister, false defamation you cannot stop. Think about what you can change or control. you cannot control speech of someone else. so forget about it.
Just ignore, and be peaceful. Non anxiety, no worry, no action.
O. K.
M/s. Y-not legal services
(Expert) 12 February 2012
mr.shroff given his valuable advise., just act as per that., its will be good for you..
-tom-
Rakesh Mehata
(Querist) 12 February 2012
Thanks Mr.Shroff, when I take a step back and read your reply, I think it makes sense. I would try to follow.
mahendrakumar
(Expert) 12 February 2012
dear Rakesh,
have an introspection of entire matter.
unless there is a provocation,normally such behaviour do not occur.
if you both have not undergone a marriage counseling,you must try one.
when two people from different atmosphere come and live together,conflict of interests on many areas can happen.
many people knowingly or unknowingly aggravate the minor issues further so that any compromise become very difficult.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 12 February 2012
yes i agree with Mr shroff . go to marriage counsellor .
narrate all facts . obtain report in writing .
if necessary consult a psychiatrist . may be she is sufering from mental illness .
take an appointment with psychiatrist too . mention the symtoms . if you obtain any report that she is suffering from mental illness it will help you in case of divorce
Rakesh Mehata
(Querist) 12 February 2012
Thanks a lot everyone for the kind replies. It gives me hope that I would be able to fight off injustice if it comes my way.
I know I may be sounding too familiar, but I think our state of our marriage is beyond counseling. There is so much of venom in her that I am not able to stand a single day. Is it workable ?...there is a teeny weeny probability it may be; but is it worth the months or years of agony that is supposed to come , at the cost of my mental peace, career...I think not.
I think I will first seek the advice of a psychiatrist .
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 12 February 2012
Rakesh, you have no better choice!
So just follow advise, and happiness will come . Do not Panic, do not haste!
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 12 February 2012
You have o give the devil his due. Let the matter go to coniliation, as advised. Either there will be conciliatiion or a proof of her being uncorigible rogue.
prabhakar singh
(Expert) 13 February 2012
Every problem that we confront in life is not legal so is also with marital problems.
Law has made wrong ladies more stronger more particularly in cases where their parrents are egoistic and instead of trying to bring harmony open a foe front.
Husbands can not guard against as law does not provide any pre safe guard to them,hence we advise them to just wait and watch due to helplessness,we do not have such weapons of attack for husbands as we have for wives .
Let it be as it is because we are bound by law.
But again coming back to place I started I have read very carefully the symptoms of her behavior which does suggest she is mentally sick,then if you are in touch of any good homeopath discuss her symptoms with him either after consultation with a psychiatrist with his report or if she refuses to visit a psychiatrist,then alone visit a good homeopath ,state him all conditions and symptoms,a good prescription can cure her.
If you like you can consult an young but very promising Dr. to whom you may contact by writing on
kuldeepdxt@gmail.com.
M V Gupta
(Expert) 14 February 2012
I have known a similar case. The wife turned out to be suffering from mental illness.Husband tried his best to get her treated. They have a daughter also. All efforts of husband to calm her down have failed. The parents of the girl are also highly egoistic. The events had turned very bad for the boy and his parents as the girl filed criminal cases for domestic violence and desertion. claimed heavy maintenance for herself and child. Stays with her parents. You are the best judge of the events that are taking place. If things do not improve consider filing a suit for judicial separation. Even after this ur wife does not realise her folly, think of the ultimate step (divorce).
Rakesh Mehata
(Querist) 15 February 2012
Thanks a lot for your responses Gupta sir and Prabhakar sir.
It has crossed my mind a lot of times that she may be suffering from some mental ailment. However, if I bring it up , both her and her parents are going to take it in a very negative manner and will certainly not cooperate with me to get her examined and treated.
My parents arriving tomorrow, her parents have already arrived at my place. We will be having an open discussion. Will keep posted the outcome of it.
I need a suggestion though. Do I reveal to them that I have the recordings and can retaliate aggressively if they put any kind of false case on me ? Or do I keep them quietly and use it later. The problem is there is more likelihood of them doing something stupid like filing a false 498a unless I threaten them with the evidences I have.
Experts, kindly respond, as my parents are landing tomorrow and we will have the discussion tomorrow itself.
M V Gupta
(Expert) 16 February 2012
u may have to appropriately tell her parents ur apprehension about her health. Perhaps to convince them, you may request them to listen to her talk with you which is recorded by you. i think as parents concerned about the girl's health they should take it with postive attitude and try to take the girl themselves for counselling or to a Doctor. Take ur own decision depending on the situation.
Rakesh Mehata
(Querist) 21 February 2012
I have an update , and since things have gone from bad to worse I am getting restless as to where it might lead to.
My wife has moved out of my house to stay in a hostel. She could not stand the fact that me and my family now know the filthy language she uses against us behind our back while talking to her parents and siblings. My parents tried to get her to stay back but she wont listen and now she is staying in a women's hostel.
That would have been ok to some extent, but now she is come to such a level that she is threatening me of dire consequences. She has sent me 2 messages in a social networking site threatening to "burn my house" and "break my limbs" using hired goons.
Not that I am scared of rantings of such a unstable woman, but having seen her mental state when she is angry, I cannot deny the possibility of such a thing actually happening.
What can I do ? Can I file an FIR ? Since she has left home to stay in a hostel , can I file for a divorce on this basis ?
With due respect to the experienced experts around here, I want to say that I have tried to work the relationship out. I am a mature man who has seen some amount of the world and can fairly say that this woman is not going to change and I wont be able to spend my life with her. I really want to get out of this relation as soon as possible. Can you please help me with that ?
Also, I am not sure whether I can ask this here, but can anyone recommend me a good lawyer in Hyderabad who can help me with this ?
thanks
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 21 February 2012
Just read my replies [3] once more. Follow it.
Let the matter proceed. you do not proceed, Do not throw petrol in fire. you too get burnt. be safe.
Rakesh Mehata
(Querist) 27 February 2012
I am sorry to say this, but I am extremely tensed and worried for me and my parents. Somehow I am unable to see how keeping quiet is going to help me.
I know for sure how malicious she is and what she will do to me if she could. I have some audio evidences that I think I may be able to use.. not sure how though. And I am 100% sure that this marriage needs to be terminated as soon as possible for the good of every one.
Of course,I want to be safe.. but I need to see how keeping quiet is going to keep me safe. If the experts could atleast tell me what should be my course of action if she goes ahead and puts a 498a on me, then it may help me.
Please, some one recommend me a lawyer in Hyderabad to help me out!! I came to know that she is going to her home after 1 week, I am sure they are going to file some case on me. How can I protect myself ???
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 27 February 2012
heaven is going to fall on you? or u r one of lakhs 498a harassed husband ???
