Divorce
Tina Mary
(Querist) 13 March 2012
This query is : Resolved
I met my husband in my office. We fell in love and got married on 15th May 2011. When we were in love, he was working in my office, post that he was working in a different organization. He quite that organization in Oct 2011, post our engagement(5th Sep 2010). He did not get job anywhere from there. He was not working when we got married as well. In spite of the fact that he is not working I got married as he promised me that he would get into a job very soon. Its 9 months now that he is still out of job. As I am the only soul working my salary is not enough to fulfill the requirement to run a family and his needs as well. before marriage I did inform him that I would be sharing 5000/- out of my salary as I was the one who took care of the family before marriage and would do so till my bother will be able to take care(at least for 6months or so).
Post marriage not even 3 months, he asked me to stop sharing my salary with my parents as it is not sufficient for our requirements itself. he also insisted me to transfer all my salary to his account and to take it from him for the expenses. I refused to do so.
As days past by, he asked me to take credit from my friends, with a promise of joining any job that comes his ways from there. This is the story every month. In this manner, I have taken 50,000/- credit from my co-worker. He had pond my necklace and bangles as well within 5 months of our marriage.
He would not allow me to get grossry to home, stating that if we spend the money in getting the grossry for home, than what will owe do for our expenses for the month. He would also complain to his parents that I do not prepare any thing at home.
In October my brother offered him a business proposal and that they both can work on that together. In the month of September my husband pond my eye ring and December my ring too. Now both my husband and my bother are not in good terms as there was some misunderstanding between them.
Every day he is haunting me with words as your bother is a like this and mother is like that. I work in odd shift as 3 in the afternoon to 12:30 in the mid-night. My husband's sleep is very limited to 3-4 hrs a day, but I would need at least 7-8 hrs of sleep, post that I would not sleep till 2 in the night. However I would not be able to sleep as soon as I come from work, as I have to listen to his abuse's towards my family. If not abuse, I'll have to satisfy him with s*xually.
he is at home all day and would have some drinks and sleep at 11:30 PM or by 12 AM and wake up by 4 AM. he would have had at least 4 hrs of sleep which is sufficient for him. Once he's awake, he would start pulling up my dress to have s*x. By 4 AM I would have had only 2 hrs of sleep, in spite of that he would expect me to satisfy him.
Even if I do that thinking, he's been waiting for me all day, so its ok for a day, he would expect the same every day and is not possible by me. he would not be satisfied with one in the morning. Once he is done at 4 AM, it would take another 30-45 mins for me to go back to sleep. He would again come back by 6 or 7 AM for another round of s*x. By this time i would have had just 1.3 or 2 hrs of sleep. This would happen at least 3-4 times till i wake up.
i did adjust for few days, when i could not bare it any more I refused to have s*x with him when I am sleeping. We would have a fight for that as well. His question is, "When I feel like having s*x where should I go. My question is can your hunger for s*x be held till I wake up?".
Now back to his unemployment. When we are in the state that we are not able to take care of our selves, he expects me to bare a child as well. I refuse stating that you first join a job post 6 months from there we can plan for one. He has a problem with that as. He states that people have started to as, if there is any good news and you still want to wait.
I am tired of his s*xual and mental torture, I want to get out of him but he does not want to leave me. he threatens me. He states if I leave him, he will destroy my entire family. I have few recordings as well, wherein he is calling his friend's in front of me and gives supary to them to kill my brother. He straight on my face says that he would hurt my entire family and he would not care for anyone. He will also see who will stop me.
He tortures me so much that I do not feel like going home from my office nor do I wish for any holidays/offs.
I am in the state where in I cannot stay with him nor can I get away from him.
Pls throw some light in this issue and how to handle this situation.
i just got to know that the people whom my husband had hired to kill my bother were loking for him. They had reached his ex-wife's place as well.
please advise how do we handle this istuation.
what is the next step that I have to take.
Advocate Rajkumarlaxman
(Expert) 14 March 2012
i read your entire stuff. i found one thing which i could not understand. when you have done all good for him then why are u waiting incase you cant settle issues and if his behaviour is same throughout leave apart. file a DV case against him. whose ex-wife your telling about your hubby or your brother i didnt get that. clear that. in which state are you located. just move a DV case against him all will come to control easily. leave separately till all issues get settle.
Deepak Nair
(Expert) 14 March 2012
After reading the entire set of event narrated by you, I feel that it is better to part ways with your husband.
Our life is very small and it is not for sacrifucing for no reason. If you suffer/tolerate silently, then you will be doing that for your entire life.
Thus, you should leave seperate from each other atleast for a short term to see whether he rectifies himself or not.
If no result on that too, then take the final step of divorce as suggested by the learned expert above.
Shonee Kapoor
(Expert) 14 March 2012
Look for amicable seperation.
Regards,
Shonee Kapoor
harassed.by.498a@gmail.com
Tina Mary
(Querist) 14 March 2012
Thank you all for your response.
Mr. Rajkumar : I was referring to my brother's ex-wife, who was contacted by the people who my husband hired to hurt my brother.
I am located in Bangalore.
Mr Nair: If I take any step to move away from him, he would not allow me to do so, as he does not want to leave me.
Please advice.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 14 March 2012
Cannot comment or suggest without hearing from other side.
One can never find our the root case unless dig both the side.
It may be very small, and removing it, relations can improve.
What your parents, brother sister & relatives have to say????
Tina Mary
(Querist) 14 March 2012
At times they say its ok, adjust a little and get along with him and when we get into a fight they say, you don't have to suffer like this leave him and come over.
My husband has a grudgefull attitude, for him what he says is only correct. If he states I am wrong then I should accept it, it is not only with me, even if he feels others are wrong although they may not. I should still stand by him and say they are wrong. If I say on your wrong then he'll get offended and we would end up in a fight.
He would not even mind man handling me in his anger.
Tina Mary
(Querist) 14 March 2012
hi Mr Shonee Kapoor,
yes I am looking for amicable seperation only. As I do not want any kind of issues. My parents have gone through a lot of difficulty, they sold our house to get me married and I do not want any kind of trouble them. His parents are also very good and they have also seen a lot of trouble in their life, I do not want to any trouble to them as well. Just want to get out of this peacefully.
I guess that would not be the case:(
ESTHERPRIYA
(Expert) 15 March 2012
Try to counsel him to go for a job and to earn money.
Tina Mary
(Querist) 15 March 2012
Hi Estherpriya,
I have done that and he went for an interview yesterday and would be going tomorrow as well.
Shonee Kapoor
(Expert) 16 March 2012
I don't know, whether there is a mediation center in your district, if so, get the matter referred there and try to sort out the differences.
Regards,
Shonee Kapoor
harassed.by.498a@gmail.com
Tina Mary
(Querist) 16 March 2012
Hi Mr. Shonee Kapoor,
How would mediation center help me sort this issue? pls advise as I am aware the same.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 16 March 2012
how about Legal separation, instead of divorce??
How about filing DV act only against ur husband, and you live happily with ur in laws?? Let him be out of house. [ i didn't read ur long query]
do u want to remarry??
Or wait till time teaches him??
Tina Mary
(Querist) 17 March 2012
Hi Mr. V R Shiroff,
I do not intent to remarry again, I am done with one in my life. I just want to get back my peace of mind, lead a peaceful life. No unnecessary tensions.
I'll go to work, come back, have a peaceful food and sleep peacefully. I don't want to trouble anyone nor I want a trouble from others.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 17 March 2012
Then in that case, go for Legal separation.
can also claim residence DV ACT,
PREVENT ANY CRUELTY THRU DV ACT
Tina Mary
(Querist) 17 March 2012
Hi Mr. V R Shiroff,
I do not have any issues with legal separation, as long as he does not interfere in my family's life nor in mine.
Would that be possible through Legal Separation?
Please advise.
Shonee Kapoor
(Expert) 23 March 2012
Tina Mary,
Mediation centers bring about reconciliation/ mutually agreed settlement in disputes.
So get it referred there before jumping in courts.
Regards,
Shonee Kapoor
harassed.by.498a@gmail.com
