Separation from husband based on impotence
Suneetha
(Querist) 22 September 2015
This query is : Resolved
Hi,
I am married from 1 year , its an arranged marraige. I am 29 and my husband is 30. We never were able to establish physical relation over the past one year.
Initially , i did not doubt this because we had some arguments during before marraige and after engagement time and assumed we are taking time to get to know
each other well. We both are software engineers and usually come late from office by 9 pm. Later i would cook , we have dinner and by the time we go to sleep ,
we both are very tired and just slept. Over the weekends , when we tried i used to get some pain and my husband used to tell me its normal
to have pain in the first time.
My in-laws used to visit us every month and stay with us for at least 4 days. During this time , my mother-in-law made sure that i do all the house-hold chores
and become tired by end of the day. I have never done any household work before marraige and hence i was totally tired
everyday whenever they are with us. By the time they leave, some how me and my husband used to fight and we never speak to each other for a week atleast.
No talking = No trials for intercourse.
I find my husband very immature , cunning to the core , 100% mamma's boy and used to support his parents , sister over me.
He made many attempts to make me understand that they have a higher priority than me in his life. He loves fighting , arguing and can change the course of argument anytime. He is not good looking , not good at anything
which guys are usually good at. He expects me to learn car driving and take him for ride. He expects me to pamper him like a kid and do everything for him.
In return , I should be grateful that i got a chance in my life to have made him happy. Me , on the other hand have never praised him , never said good things
about him (since i didnt find any) . I used to question him about every time he made a mistake and tried to push the blame on me.
In short , i was not as he expected. He is also two-faced , something in front of me and something in front of others.
This went on for 3 months and i told my mother about it and she questioned to my mother-in-law. My MIL was shocked and she mentioned that her son doesn't know much
about how to have intercourse. My in-laws put some efforts initially and pushed my husband to try harder and pull out some time to spend time with me.
My mom had told this to one of our common (me and my husband) relatives and then started the harrassment. It was only after my mom told the other relatives ,
my in-laws took me and my husband to doctor. Doctor confirmed that there is nothing wrong with either of us and I was given gel to reduce pain and he was given
some tablets which i havent checked.
We later tried by applying gel and my husband used to shout at me during this time for not being in position which is comfortable to him. The visits from my
in-laws , fights with my husband were never ending.
After 6 months of my marraige , i got into a new company and my husband insisted that i take a transfer to new city because of my new job and he would come
in 1-2 months time. I joined the new company moved to new city and my husband used to come and visit me on bi-weekly basis. I have asked him to take some leave
so that we can go to any place like honeymoon and spend some time with each other. This resulted in major fight and he started saying irrelavent things just to
win the argument. He left me and went to his hometown. We never spoke for a month after this fight.
Once, I have paid a surprise visit and saw some tablets in my house. Initially I did not pay attention to them but i have checked them later on. I have
checked for the tablets (tadalfil) in google and found that they are used for Erectile Dysfunction. My parents have come to the decision that he is impotent
and he is initiating all fights to cover his problem. My in-laws dont speak to me since I have done some crime by not hiding this problem of my husband.
My husband also has the same opinion that i have committed major crime by telling my parents about it. They have problems with my parents since they told some of the
relatives.
Things went on , we have fights , dont speak for weeks and become normal. The cycle is going on and on. I am sick and tired of fighting. if i try to end a
fight , he will try to irritate me more and i get upset. Its been 6 months that we are living separately and i really dont see a chance of improvement in our relation in all terms. He never brings up the topic of
he getting transfer / ask me to come back so that we can live together. I really want to live a peaceful life and really dont foresee it in the near future.
The major question is
1) Is he impotent? If yes, how can i prove it?
2) Is it possible that he had taken some tablets before tests were conducted by doctor before confirming nothing is wrong with him?
3) If nothing is wrong with him , why is he not taking initiatives to resolve this?
4) Can I request for annullment of my marraige on these grounds? I dont want to get divorced.
Thanks
Suneetha.
SAINATH DEVALLA
(Expert) 22 September 2015
Rather a lengthy query,most of the content has to be revealed to a Doctor and not a lawyer.
My simple answer is to better consult a Doctor with UR problem and get a solution.A psychological counselling also would yield favourable result.How can we assess whether he is potent or not?
Probably U R not the actual victim,posting the query for someone.
Don't go to the extent of annulment or divorce at this stage.Don't get carried away with the ill advices of people around and ruin both the lives.
Proper medical treatment is the best possible solution rather than legal hurdles.
Rest is left to UR wisdom.
R.K Nanda
(Expert) 22 September 2015
query too long.
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 22 September 2015
Agree with the expert SAINATH DEVALLA.
Dr J C Vashista
(Expert) 24 September 2015
1. Too long a story and this is not a query.
2. Well advised by expert Mr. Sainath Devalla, I fully agree and appreciate his analytical inspection of the circumstances enumerated in the post.
3. Consult a psycharatist.
