Wife is seperate
Pavan
(Querist) 02 November 2011
This query is : Resolved
Hi, please advice on the below:
Case history: Its been 2yrs (this Nov) that we are married. Its a love and arranged marriage. We are in relation since 2006 and were married in 2009. We have a very good understanding till an issue araised last month.
Issue: 6months back i met a colleague (say Mrs.X)at my workplace and she became a good friend of mine in a short while, later i have introduced to my Wife. We 3 were very close. Later Mrs.X showed intered in me and has proposed me.. which i have accepted in state of illusion.. later i said that what we wanted to happen is wrong as i truly love my wife and there is no other in my heart except her. She said thats fine. Later i came to know that she was married and was going through a divorce case from her husband on the basis of illegal relationships. Now since i denied her relationship she moved very close to my wife and have influenced her a lot. it was to that extent where my wife was not sharing anything with me nor was friendly anymore. on asking whats the matter she says you know, i know and Mrs. X know. and 3 Months back i realized that our relationship (3 of us) was going way too far and have cut down Mrs.X but still Mrs.X continued relation with my wife and my wife hide it from me. One day to office (just a month back) i was discussing with my wife about her behaviour past few days, she started of shouting at me saying why should i tell, whom i am talking or what i am doing.. my wish what is it do with you. Actually, since the time we thought of breaking relation with Mrs.X i have seen email flowing to my Wife's office id and few calls on office extn to/from Mrs.X extn. when i asked on that she yelled at saying she is not talking to her.. then i had used a bad word (which i didnt literally mean) and she caught that and she said i am not gonna stay with you or your family as you said that bad word. I tried convince her by saying that i didnt mean the meaning of the word but just it came out of anger. then we returned home and a small quarell took place and i slapped for misbehaving with my mom. An hour after that she said she is leaving to ofc and went out. Later i went to office and noticed that she is not turned up to office and i tension i had called her mom and father but their phone was not reachable, then i called her younger sis and informed her about her moving out of house without notifying. Later at 8 PM my wife called up my mom and after a convincing talk she told that she is returning to home in a hour. but she did not and I was on road searching for her.. All this time i was talking to her sis about her. Later after 9.30PM, when i spoke to her sis, she was not much worried as before then i thought these ppl are playing with me and then i left home. After reaching home i called her mom to check if she is at home at 12:00 nite.. her mom replied she reached at 11 PM then my mom bursted out and said we were much tensed about your daughter's behaviour and you keep your daughter with you and she collapsed due to BP. Again i called her mom and explained the situation, she states that you should inform me not my younger daughter, i gave my child to you not my younger daughter, then i told her the need i contacted her younger daughter and asked her to check with my wife about what happnd and call me back. There was no call from their side for 20 days. In between i tried speaking to my wife but she was hestitating to. In these 20 days i have seen my wife with Mrs.X talking and going home together. On 21st day my dad called my wife and asked her to come back which she did when my dad went to her place and picked her up. She was fine for 10 days. in these 10 days when i wanted to talk about the issue, she said i left everything behind and came her donot discuss anything. on the 11th day she said she wanted to go her mom's place as her sis got a match which was settled and she wanted to meet her sis and mom. I said Ok and took her to her place and i went to friends place. When i returned back to her place at 6PM her father was standing down asking me to come inside which initially i denied but due to force i have went. Slowly they have startd off with the topic... There my wife stated that i have hit her on the road, which i did not, i did not obey that, then i said all the things that she said to me that day when we had quarell, she also denined things, then i said, you're telling lies and blaming on me which i cant tolerate. Then her parent became angry and wanted to come to my home to talk about the issue. Then i said we wil discuss that there (at their home) when my father arrives, and i came down. After 30 min when i went in with my father i saw Mrs.X with other guy sitting there. Then discussion started off with elders, and my wife slowly was injecting her mom to ask why i called her younger Sis not parents the nite she went off. Then i told my wife (with higher tone) that not to pour fuel into such discussions and right then her father moved towards me and told me and my father to get out of the house. And Mrs.X came down to me saying to return my wife gold and sarees back to my wife i Yelled yet her saying who are you to say that. a day Later, my wife relatives came to my home .. we told them the issue and they asked why i had a illegal relationship with Mrs.X and there is SMS for that as proof. I told them I never had any till now with anyone, and i told them that i havent been in talking terms with Mrs.X. And the entire drama of quarelling with Mrs.X was collective script of my wife and Mrs. X, if not why is she talking to her, they initially denied that she is not talking to Mrs.X but later confronted that, the day my wife wentout, she was with Mrs.X and Mrs.X dropped my wife at her mom's place at 8:30 PM. So my wife's entire family involved in a drama that day saying she reached at 11 PM. Now, i have put a question to them saying, for a moment even if i agree that i had relation with Mrs.X, Why is my wife is still talking to her and also that i havent been in atleat hai/bye relation with Mrs.X and why the issue of adultary was not reported when i shared relation with Mrs. X and why it is being brought so lately. Then they stated that my wife is not safe at our place and that my mom theartned her saying that she will torch her with kerosene. I have already went to a family counselling and they have asked my wife to be there at counselling center on this Saturday.
I still love my wife and i know she is doing all the things with the influence of her parents and MRs.X. I just want my wife back.
Further, on a safer side...Please advice on how to proceed legally on this, so that in future even if my wife charges a case against me, i am not hit hard on it/my career or life is not damaged.
Shonee Kapoor
(Expert) 02 November 2011
You need a lawyer and also need to accept your mistakes to save your family life.
Regards,
Shonee Kapoor
harassed.by.498a@gmail.com
ajay sethi
(Expert) 02 November 2011
1)inspite of being married you accepted a marriage proposal from Mrs X .
2) second mistake you made was introducing your wife to her .
3) after accepting mrs X proposal you developed cold feet
4) no wondder Mrs X wont keep quiet . now your wife dosent trust you
5)you have said your in laws feel your mother will pour kerosene on your wife
6) my suggestion to you is to temporarily move out of your parents place and stay separate for some time
7) take a place on rent and request your wife to come back
8) send her emails that you love her v much and you want to stay with her
9) call up on her cell phone and repeat the same .
10) visit a marriage counsellor to sort things out
Pavan
(Querist) 02 November 2011
Mr Ajay.
Thank you for your prompt reply and suggestion.
1. I havent accepted the marriage proposal.. She just proposed me as I LOVE you.. Which i accepted and later realized the mistake and told Mrs.X to stop this relation as i cant afford losing my wife and family.
2. I have been trying to convince her by emails and calls but she is not responding and
3. I have already consulted a conuselling center for counselling.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 02 November 2011
advisable to stay separate . tomorrow she may file 498A case against your family , file a complaint under DV act for right to stay in shared household etc . in addition levy serious allegations against your mother . so a dvised you temproraily to stay separate
Sanjeev
(Expert) 02 November 2011
There must be some things that your wife is convinced of against you that does not make her convinced to live with you may be she feels cheated.
That you would also know that there would have been some things that happened due to which she has lost trust in you and trust in matrimonial relations once lost is very difficult to be built. People dont realise this when the relations are fine and realise this later when things go out of hand.
Legal options are not any for you but you can face many cases. That you can deal with if filed. No legal advise can rebuild your relation that could just be tried by you and your family.
mahendrakumar
(Expert) 03 November 2011
I support the views of Mr.Ajay and Sanjay.
good luck for your counseling section.
remember that rebuilding a lost trust in any relation,especially between husband and wife,is a difficult task.
for resolving the issue you must shedd your egoes and approach without any prejudices.
Satya Mani Tiwari
(Expert) 03 November 2011
As per my opinion this RELATIONSHIP is over for now, You as a husband has broken the very essence of marriage i.e. TRUST. in the mean time
1.DO NOT CONTACT HER ANY MORE EITHER BY E-MAIL OR CELL.
2. CHANGE YOUR CELL NUMBERS
3. DISCONNECT ALL YOUR CONTACTS WITH HER & WAIT FOR TWO MONTHS.
The women Psychology is different.
Accept your mistakes AND VOW NEVER TO REPEAT IN FUTURE EVER,If she wants to continue with you after 2 months ACCEPT HER WITH ALL YOUR HEART.
BY THE WAY NO!NO!NO! TO Mrs. X ever for ever
Come back to this forum & report result after 2 months.
I think this the way your married life may survive.
