My wife (living with her parents) now gives suicide threats
Querist :
Anonymous
(Querist) 15 May 2020
This query is : Resolved
Please, I am genuinely worried for my daughter, myself and my parents. My wife and I have been married since 2013 and living with my parents ever since. Within a year of our marriage, she started demanding that I buy her a flat, but I did not want to abandon my parents. My parents and I even suggested that we build her living quarters on the first floor of our house if she needed more space, but she denied. Ever since, she grew very contentious, and ill-treated me on several occasions. (Shouting, name-calling in front of my parents, maids.) Ever since our child was born (January 2018, through an incredibly expensive IVF procedure for which I supported her financially as well as in choice,) my wife started making threats that she will leave me and take away our daughter. The first time she left was in August, 2018. She went back to her parents house and took our daughter and even our dog that we had adopted after marriage: the reason for her anger being her sleep got disturbed at 8 am in the morning because we had some guests over at the time. She shouted and had an argument with my father, who called her brother in turn to tell him that she ought to refrain from treating my parents in such a way. Her brother in turn insisted that she leave the house and that's what she did. She came back 20 days after realising she wanted to live with me. Then 6-7 months after she leaves again with our baby, and went to her brother's flat (which was empty) and tried to live there for a week before again changing her mind again and coming back to live with me. (Later I found out her parents even took her to a Psychiatrist for reasons she didn't disclose to me.) Then during the lockdown, again she had a terrible outburst and went back to live with her parents, taking away our daughter again. This time, I had even given in and decided that I shall look for rented accommodation and talked to several property dealers. I also went to her society twice to meet our daughter. She asked me to take our dog back for a month, and within two days (i.e. yesterday) she has another outburst (purely because I'd not texted her good morning for two days,) demanding that I give her the dog back. For the first time, I told her NO. She had given me suicide threats several times before, but for the first time she swore on our child that she will kill herself if I don't do as she says. I warned her I will report to the police, so she came outside my house and started shouting and creating a scene in front of the neighbors (who were watching everything as if it was the most entertaining thing they'd seen,) and I had no choice but to give the dog away. I have decided that I do not want to be with this traumatizing woman anymore. But absolutely clueless as to how I should go about this especially during the lockdown. Every conversation and text message I have stored as evidence (including all her abuses, threats of suicide etc.) I fear for my child, and I am confused how to proceed legally. She has drained me emotionally and mentally, and I just want to be out of this situation now. Any suggestions would be welcome.
Raj Kumar Makkad
(Expert) 15 May 2020
First and last suggestion would be to reconcile the issue and not to go to break the family life. Your wife may be got understand the things if you closely discuss each and every issue with her. The help of relatives may also be taken for this purpose.
BUT if you have failed to get the desired results and have finally decided to part with your wife then this is a good case seeking a decree of divorce. The evidnece under your store do constitute it as a cruelty on the part of your wife and thus finally you can take divorce from her.
So far as the custody of your daughter is concerned, initially it is expected to be given to your wife as she is of only 3 years of age but at later stage, you may seek her custody by filing a separate petition. Your visitation rights may be ensured in the divorce petition itself.
Guest
(Expert) 16 May 2020
First you try to convince her and both of you should attend a Psychological Counselling. Then basing on that result you could decide.
P. Venu
(Expert) 16 May 2020
Such threats constitute marital cruelty. You can seek divorce on this basis. The procedure in the Family Court involves counselling in order to work out an amicable settlement before taking up the matter for trial.
Guest
(Expert) 16 May 2020
In any Divorce the Ultimate Sufferer would be only the Child / Children .Before stepping in to Court first both of you , you and your wife attend a Good Psychological Counselling..
Guest
(Expert) 16 May 2020
" Relationship isn't holding hands while you understand each other.. It's about having a lot of misunderstandings and still not leaving each other's hands. "
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 16 May 2020
Try to save the marriage. After long litigation, humiliation and divorce, new partner would be cooperative, no guarantee to it.
She has come back 2-3 or more times; she is threatening for suicide means she has love for you, want to live with you. It seems she is having big ego problem. Try to satisfy her ego to the acceptable level, do not bow before her unacceptable demands. Emotional expression of feelings from your side sometimes fetches good results.
If she agrees, may start living separate from your parents as you are planning.
In case of need may contact Psychiatrist.
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 16 May 2020
If reconciliation efforts fail, wait till you gather more proofs / recording of her threats. May get CCTV recording if possible, about her attitude. Take help of relatives, friends, society effective people of both side for reconciliation. If reconciliation still not possible explore the scope of mutual consent divorce. Try to avoid filing case from your side.
In case all your efforts fail, discuss with local lawyer, and proceed for divorce.
Dr J C Vashista
(Expert) 17 May 2020
Discuss the issues / problems and sort them out amicably. You may opt for seeking intervention / blessings of your in-laws (especially mother in-law) and/or other common relatives /mediator .
But do not think / consider for legal remedy.
