Plan to cancel marriage after engagement
Querist :
Anonymous
(Querist) 13 August 2018
This query is : Resolved
Hello Sir, I'm the groom.
Few months back my parents found a bride in Matrimony portal on January 2018 [resident of Bangalore, & origin is Tamil].
Our engagement happened on April 2018. [We wanted a family girl who doesn't work. Luckily she was 1 year free after completing her graduation and was jobless.]
Some background History :
From the beginning [till engagement] the father of the bride was not actively speaking with my parents or me.
Only her mother used to interact. She speaks to me over the phone often [Takes more time than Bride over phone].
I respect my elders, so I can't cut the call abruptly, so , I kept listening to all her conversations.
But, She always speaks bad about her Husband's family. How they tortured her. How they tried to stop her marriage.
She always praises about erself on how as a single woman she brought up her daughter.
One fine day before engagement the below conversation happened :
Bride's Mom : I want my daughter to work. She doesn't have value for work & money.
Me : We wanted a girl who doesn't work and take care of family very well.
Bride's Mom : Yes. I know. But, she should understand the importance of money and how difficult it is outside.
Also, she wants to clear her education loan by herself.
Me : She graduated a year back. Why she hasn't found a job all these time.
Bride's Mom : According to her horoscope her time is not good. Now she has good time to get even a stable Govt. Jobs as well.
Me : But Aunty, I don't want my wife to work. Are you asking her to work for educational loan alone ? If so i can take care of the loan.
Bride's Mom : No no. It will be very bad for me to put the loan on groom, I will never do that. I asked you only for her to realize the importance of money.
And the hardships we face to earn it. If you are not happy let's leave this topic.
After Engagement [Father started to get along well after engagement] :
My Fiance suddenly calls me and say's, I need to work. I got a notice. To pay educational loan.
I asked, we agreed that you won't work right ? Why suddenly you are changing the plan ?
She said, even you agreed to pay the educational loan.
I was confused. I'm in middle of office work and she was very nervous.
I don't remember signing a stamp paper to anyone that I'll bear it.
Still, I'm kind hearted. I asked her to calm down and said, "Please ask you parents to pay minimum emi at least. After marriage I'll pay the balance.
I never refused. I just told, I can't give you any money before marriage. My parents won't be happy. After , marriage I'll pay it.
She was blackmailing, If you trust me then pay now. Else police will catch me. I need to goto work.
I directly told, Inform my parents about this.
After a while, her father called me. Asking that i only agreed to pay the loan. And conversation went on This way.
From this day my life is messed up. I was called as cheater and faker for not paying the loan. They have our gold ornaments worth 1.5 Lakhs [that we gave for engagement] and still call me as cheater.
From that date till now lot's of cheap things they started to do. Lot's of meaningless arguments. I can't resist. They try to pull my mount. They Irritate me during sleep.
I NEED AN EXPERT ADVISE HERE.
I HAVE MANY MORE DATA TO ADD BUT THE DATA IS SOO HUGE THAT ILL END UP WRITTING A LITTLE BOOK IN THIS PORTAL
Please help me in correct direction. What they can do next. How I can protect myself from these kind of scams.
Guest
(Expert) 13 August 2018
If they are so demanding even before marriage, your life is supposed to become hell after marriage. You may think about cancelling marriage and ask for return of the gold ornaments that you gave for girl on engagement. You can't be compelled to marry that specific girl, if not fit for your family life. Even if they don't return, keep patience and assume that you have paid price for buying the anticipated peace in your life.
But before cancelling marriage, stop attending their calls and start making correspondence to remind them about what they promised before engagement and on what they are compelling. Also start background verification of girl and her parents. Such things may help you not getting involved in any of their blackmailing tactics or traps and to counter their allegations even through the court of law, if they intend to fabricate any type of criminal case against you or your parents.
Querist :
Anonymous
(Querist) 13 August 2018
Thank you so much for the suggestion Sir !!
If you don't mind, can you please kindly help to suggest me a detective agency at Bangalore who can do a good background analysis on the Bride.
I really loved her and I feel she is also innocent. She is too young to make such cheap acts.
Her parents are cunning and I feel they are driving her into this madness.
I want to do a background analysis to get more data & further understand her situation.
Based on which, I will take a call whether to proceed or to cancel.
Guest
(Expert) 13 August 2018
No recommendation can be made for any specific detective agency. You have to search for that at your own or through your relatives and friends.
But, from your post, once thing becomes certain that you still prefer to invite evils of the married life with such a family, who tried to unduly dictate terms and dominate on your personal life even before marriage. Even if you engage a detective agency for background verification, there would be no use of that as you have stated that you love that girl.
Anyway, it is your life. Do as you feel better by using your own wisdom.
I can only wish you the best of luck!
R.K Nanda
(Expert) 13 August 2018
Contact local lawyer as story too long.
